and I thought to myself, “I am not letting the first month of the new year pass without posting something”.
I love to share but for a while, I felt so close to giving up because I haven’t been able to write, share and give.
I haven’t been able to get myself together and although I have just come back from a trip, where I did something I truly love, I couldn’t reach that state of contentment I have reached before.
I wasn’t sure if I should share this but I guess there’s nothing wrong with being transparent.
Besides, one way or another, letting things out is perhaps helpful not only for me, but for those who feel the same way.
They say “we teach people what we need the most”… I talk of happiness and contentment and deep inside, I feel like I am all over the place.
It’s not that I am not happy because I am.. I am content with what I have been given.
I am always grateful for all the blessings I have been given… sometimes I even wonder, what have I done to deserve so much?
and that’s when it kills me…. Getting and not giving back..
Okay then.. it’s just as simple as that: Give back!
but here’s the story of my life….
I do not plan… I prefer to have options and go with the flow…
Plans for me mean sticking to something and I don’t really like to stick to anything…
I believe that God knows best and I should just let everything be…
But wait… how can one achieve anything without a plan?
“Alright.. so let’s start planning on a small scale and have a list of options”.
“Okay now.. let’s study the pros and cons.. things are going well..”
“Oh, who’s this? fear? is it you? Oh please this is a not the time to visit”.
But fear comes in anyway and just won’t stop talking…
It is all then shattered and I have to start rebuilding…
and while I start rebuilding, it is not easy to stop being hard on myself..
Then it seems like the process is going to take forever… and that is when I feel so close to giving up.
and while I seem to be letting my insecurities get the best of me, there is this one thing that I know will keep me going.. There is this thing that I know I will never let go of, and that is faith.
Perhaps it takes more time for some people to rise again and to figure out what best they could do to give back…
This picture right here is one of my favorites.. Beside the fact that it reminds me of a happy day, when I look at it, I am always reminded of hope, patience, love and happiness.
It also reminds me of this quote, which is also one of my favorites:
Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts.
May happiness and peace fill you hearts each day~~